Negative Energy: Fear (3 of 3)

My fear of walls needs to be addressed.  When the accident first happened, I walked around wearing a helmet.  Instead of helping, the helmet reinforced the fear.  Also walking around with a helmet on is only a stopgap measure.  Since I live in an urban area, I have to make peace with walls in general. 

The store where the accident happened is a place that I have to shop at.  What I do before entering the building is to recite the following” “Now, I don’t like you, and you don’t like me.  We’ll be fine, if you’ll let me be.”  Through the power of this incantation, I feel safe.

Going into other stores is still problematic.  What I do is to fix in my mind where the item would be.  Then I zip in and out before I realize what just occurred.  If I do get stuck, I leave the item and exit the store.  However, it does not deter me from going back in, and redoing the process until I finally buy the item. 

Living alone is a fear that I do share with a lot of other people.  Since my son needs to live his own life, I need to find a solution.  One thing that I can do is to avail myself of the services offered by the Brain Injury Center.  This place is within walking distance from my home but I have put off going there.  I think it is because the Center is new and unknown to me.  I prefer my safe little rut that I currently live in.  However, to resolve this fear, I need to expand my “rut”.

Living without my son is a problem to be solved.  I can look into assisted living or home-based services with the help of the Center.  My family had prepared for this sort of problem before my accident.  Once I communicate my fears with them, we can then prepare for the future.  I see this as making fear work for me.  It spurs me into action to plan for the future.  As I plan, I gain power in overcoming my fears.

The fear of not being able to return home is about my brain shutting down and being unable to function.  To calm my racing mind, I use my Pillow Pets ™ to hold.  Their commercial claims that “this is a stuffed animal with a purpose.”  Holding the soft, huggable pillow calms me.  I found out that the company sells Pillow Pets pee-wees ™, which are a smaller version of the original Pillow Pets ™.  I have Ms. Lady Bug™, whose happy, bright face comforts me.  Whenever I go someplace, I tuck the Pillow Pet pee-wee ™ under my arm.  The toy comes with a little poem that I often recite.  Again saying this incantation helps to ward off the fear.  In addition, this poem helps my brain to think of comforting thoughts, and calms my brain.

Ms. Lady Bug’s Poem™

“I’m a cute little bug with a caring heart,

We will never have to be apart.

I’ll always bring you good luck & cheer,

And I promise to always be near!”

Fear for me runs the gamut from worry to stark terror.  Fear can be a wonderful emotion to tell you when something is dangerous.  Fear offers the opportunity to resolve a distressing situation.  Properly harnessed, fear can keep you safe and prepared for the future.  When fear is not recognized, it can morph into paralysis restricting our lives.

Works Used

---, “The Merriam-Webster Thesaurus”, Merriam-Webster: Springfield (MA), 1989.

Sotkin, Joan, “Using Financial Fear as a Positive Force”, Pro$perity Quick Tips, 23 Aug. 2011, http://www.joansotkin.com/

The Official TV Site of the Original Pillow Pets ™! http://www.pillowpets.com/Default.asp?bhcp=1

Sleep Meditation: Pillow Pets (TM)

To do the sleep meditation, I formulated a mental slide show of various “Pillow Pets”™. As their commercial states “Pillow Pets ™ is a sweet soft lovable pet that is also a pillow!” As I centered myself, images of cute animals like "Buzzy Bumble Bee", "Squeaky Dolphin", "Ms Lady Bug", and so forth would move slowly across my mind. As they paraded through my conscious, I would chant “Sleep is calling. Sleep is calling.” As the slide show continued, I would drift off to sleep.

As I softened off to sleep, my mind would become quiet. While I chanted, I would become safe and warm. Now relaxed, I moved out of space and time, and floated away in my bed. The more I practiced, the more I was able to fall asleep almost at once.

What happened next was surprising to me. I could remember what went on in my brain whilst asleep. Usually when I went to bed I would blackout as if in a coma, and wake up the next day, with no memory of the day before. After doing the meditation, I instead would have the same dream every night. It was of lights blinking and moving along in several lines. These coloured lights would glow in the dark as they moved in their rows. I believe that the neuro-pathways of my brain were clearing themselves. When I woke up, I would feel as if that part of the brain was being healed. This sleep meditation seemed to help my brain to recover.
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The Official TV Site of the Original Pillow Pets ™! http://www.pillowpets.com/Default.asp?bhcp=1