There is a book written in the 1970s. that sums up soul killers, “When I Say No, I Feel Guilty” by Manuel Smith. Add to that the informaiton that can be gleaned from watching TV Judge Shows (Judge Judy, etc). If nothing seems to make sense, then you are in the presence of a soul killer. Being with one destroys your commonsense and sanity. When things always seem the opposite than they should be, then you are enmeshed with the soul killer.
To deter soul killers, you can use several methods. What I suggest for people to do before they enter into an agreement with another person, is to get it in writing. Whether it is a family loan or a cell phone, getting it in writing is your best defense. If the other person refuses, then you do not loan them money or give them a cell phone. In short, if you feel guilty for saying “no”, then you are dealing with a user or a emotional abuser.
Walk away, if you can. Use the broken record if you cannot. Repeat over and over, “I need you to sign this” or “No, I do not want to loan you money”. Eventually, the soul killer will become frustrated and give up.
Another series of books called the “Gentle Art of Verbal Self Defense” goes one step further. They deal with abusive people and abusive relationships. If someone is repeatedly discounting you, your self-esteem drops. These books offer gentle suggestions on removing and defending yourself from abusive people.
Watch a TV Judge Show to learn how people lie, manipulate, and generally deceive themselves and others. The judge, as an impartial person, cuts through the talk to the essence of the situation. The judge generally offers suggestions such as “if someone threatens to kill you, call the police” or “if someone hurts you, do not go back to them”. Watching the show may speak to you or spark something inside you. Sometimes hearing a judge speak to a user, helps you to sort out what is going on in your life. Remember if you are in an upside-down universe, then you are with a soul killer.
Purchase the book at Amazon.com:
When I Say No, I Feel Guilty
Copyright: Virginia Carper, Animal Teachers, 2008
For readings and empowerments, contact me at animalteachers @ gmail.com
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